Seven Marketing Tricks That Need To End

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1. So Rich You Look Poor

Who thought to take a pair of jeans, rip gaping holes at the knees with lots of dangling threads and sell the jeans at ridiculous prices? Celebrities, the very rich ones, like to be seen wearing jeans with raggedy holes. I remember a time when people who wore jeans with holes carried tin cups and asked us if we could spare some change. Not anymore. You need to be quite wealthy to wear jeans with ripped holes in the knees. Don’t think you can gash holes in your Kirkland jeans from Costco. You have to have a designer label and have paid well over one-hundred dollars for your holey jeans to be authentic. read more

Words Have Power (for better or worse)

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Don’t Say Words That Start With P

As a young child, I made a rule for my mom to follow.

Whenever I heard Mom say words beginning with the letter P, I clapped my hands over my ears. I then stated my rule in my best displeased voice, “Mom, don’t say words that start with the letter P.”

I made this rule due to the way Mom pronounced P-words. She didn’t just say “potato.” She said “PUH-tay-toe” with the PUH-sound having strong emphasis. She said other P-words with similar intensity like PIH-ckle and POHP-corn and PEE-aches. This didn’t settle well with my ears. read more

A River Runs Through It (on my birthday)

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“Jerry! Don’t do it!”

“Why not? I can make it. It’s not a problem.”

Jerry stopped our GMC Terrain and we sat in our car watching the melting snow flood the road ahead like a raging river. The runoff raced over the road, obstructing our path, then disappearing into a precipitous drop toward the swelling creek below. We didn’t see shortcuts or detours. If we wanted to continue on, we had to drive through the river. I, for one, did not want to travel through the top of a waterfall. One misstep and our car would be tumbling downward. read more

Cold Toast, Worn-out Wonder Wieners, and other Life Lessons

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Six Life Lessons I Have Learned

1. A watched toaster never pops.

 You have to ignore the toaster. Don’t wait for the toast to pop up. Walk away. Get distracted by something else. Fold laundry. Do your taxes. When you get back to the toaster, you’ll find your toast has popped up. Except it’s cold. How long did it sit, popped up and waiting for you? Hmmm? I have learned the solution. Outsmart the toaster. Press the cancel button every few seconds. Pop up, push down, pop up, push down. Check the toast until it’s a light, golden brown. The toaster is ill-equipped to stop you from this ingenious action. And you will feel victorious as you enjoy your warm toast. read more

Serious Writer Anxiety

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In 2008, or maybe 2007, the instructor at a writing workshop I attended, said, “You’re not a serious writer unless you’re on Facebook.” Serious writers, she continued, need to make themselves more visible to potential readers.

I wanted to be serious about writing, so I signed up for Facebook.

On Facebook, people I barely knew wanted to be my friend. Who are you again? Confirm. Friends forever.

My new friends posted their vacation pictures on the sands of Waikiki or hiking in the woods. Pictures of smiling kids with the ocean or beautiful forest in the background lit up the screen. Some friends posted pictures of whatever they had prepared for dinner. read more