Monthly Archives: September 2018

5 Reasons to Smile, or Laugh

4 Replies

  • Nutrisystem commercials state, “Eat the food, lose the weight.” A voice on the TV explains you can eat pizza, hamburgers, French fries, and ice cream and you lose weight. What isn’t explained is the amount of food you can eat to lose the weight. You want ice cream? You can have ¼ teaspoon. Pizza? You may smell it only. French fries? Imagine eating it because that’s the only way you will lose weight eating French fries. Marie Osmond announces she lost 50 pounds on Nutrisystem. However, she doesn’t explain this occurred after she removed her gold jewelry.

    To lose weight, you imagine eating these French fries only. Diet plan that works–never eat, only imagine.

  • Bananas. This is the funniest fruit ever. And not because people slip on their peels, which I never thought funny anyway. This fruit is laughable because it has the capability to deceive you very cleverly. You pick the best bunch of bananas you can find in the store’s produce department. You don’t want the green ones because sometimes they never ripen. So you choose the nice yellow bunch. By the time you get your bananas home, they have broken out in brown speckles all over. When you decide you want a banana later that day, you find your bunch of bananas have shriveled to black. Now this may be an Arizona occurrence because I don’t remember that I needed to hit the gas and race home with my bananas when I lived in Washington state. It’s colder there and bananas seem to prefer the Pacific Northwest. The brown speckles didn’t appear for several days back in Washington. In addition, banana is a funny-sounding word. It has no dignified sophistication like a peach or pear. The word banana is fun to say and rhyme, like Banana nana bo bana, fe fi fo fana, or Bananarama. Also, we use the word to refer to someone who is crazy. “He’s bananas.” No one says, “he’s artichokes.” 
  • Wednesdays. It’s trash day in our neighborhood on Wednesdays. I find it funny because it’s Trashy Hump Day for us. If our trash day landed on Tuesday, it would not be funny. Trashy Tuesday isn’t funny.
  • Instant Pot. It’s a pot that makes delicious meals in 10 minutes. The Instant Pot meals come out perfect with the meat very tender and vegetables cooked to perfection. This happens because the Instant Pot is like a huge pressurized sauna for your food. I regret all those years I had attempted to cook food in an oven or on the stove, which resulted in tough meat and lackluster vegetables. Now I have the Instant Pot. Who would have thought a nice steamy sauna for your food would make life so much easier? The Instant Pot gives me a rest from my previous cooking tactics of hacking, burning, boiling, and frying–not to mention, frustrated and screaming with kitchen knife in hand.

    I receive no compensation for saying this item has given me renewed peace in the kitchen.

  • Yard signs with serious threats.βω♥

    This sign is posted in Phoenix. “Children found climbing our Rock Wall will be sold to the Circus.” Children were suspiciously missing when I took this picture.  

    • read more

    The Mood of No

    4 Replies

    A woman in the booth behind me blurted, “WHA-AAAAT?”

    Moments earlier, Jerry and I had congratulated ourselves on choosing a booth where we could enjoy quiet in one of our favorite lunch spots. Jerry bit into his grilled ham and cheese sandwich and I took a delicate swig of my coffee.

    I couldn’t see the woman, but I could hear her over the café’s chattering, kitchen-clanking din. Her agitated outburst continued, “I DON’T WANT TO BE NEGATIVE HERE, BUT WHY DID SHE SEND EVERYONE AN EMAIL ABOUT ME? SHE HASN’T SAID ANYTHING TO ME.” read more